Category Archives: Family

Is this who we are?

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3 years ago I still had hope that this country could open their eyes and see the monster that had just been elected to the highest office in this country.  I thought, maybe just maybe, we can turn this around.  Just use facts and reason, I said to myself.  But alas no.  This xenophobic, misogynistic, egotistical poor excuse for a human being is still there undoing decades worth of forward progress.

We are a country built on immigrants and now for the 3rd time in our short history we have herded human beings like animals and put them in internment camps or concentration camps.  Because the collective government “we” has decided that this group of people are dangerous and are costing the American public more than just money. Apparently, even if you study history you are bound to repeat it.

When will our shouts of terror be heard?  How is it that America is not decrying the acts of terrorism this president (lowercase is on purpose) is committing and he is still there.  How are we continuing to allow this?  How has the moral, ethical majority not knocked down those walls?  How are speecehes and articles and spewing the disgust helping these babies that cannot fall asleep on their mothers chest or look into their fathers eyes.

The Children’s camps are costing us $775 per day per child.  Why?  Why are we spending money to keep children away from their parents, away from loving homes,  we are creating a generation of dissent and mistrust with both every person in the camps, with those babies that are being held in the camps and with Us.  The American Public.  The ones who disagree and are vehemently opposed to the atrocities that we are witnessing.  These are human beings who want a better life, want to help their children have a better life, working, yes working, all those jobs that are deemed to low for even the homeless people who have set up tent cities in the middle of downtown Los Angeles.

We have jailed thousands of children.  We have jailed women and men who have done nothing wrong.  They are being housed like animals and not being provided with essential needs.  Did we not learn from the Internment Camps during WWII?  Or the Trail of Tears?

This is not the America I believe in.  This is not the world I want to live in.  What kind of world do you want to live in?  Do something!

I am who I am.

Read.  Read everything.  Don’t just read those who agree with you…read the opposing views.  Form your own opinion.  Inform yourself.  See below…

https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/pav877/american-concentration-camps-dhs-border-detainment-mexico

https://www.commondreams.org/views/2019/06/21/brief-history-us-concentration-camps

https://www.npr.org/2018/06/16/620451012/dhs-nearly-2-000-children-separated-from-adults-at-border-in-six-weeks

https://www.armytimes.com/news/your-army/2019/06/13/oklahoma-base-set-for-migrant-site-was-wwii-internment-camp/

 

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Holy Hell….

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I am driven by passion.  I speak out about things that matter to me and things that bubble up to where I cannot contain them or I am going to explode.  A conversation that I have to walk away from sometimes is parenting, a subject in which I am no expert other than being a parent, an arena I hold no degrees in and by far know I am not perfect in.  But here is my trigger…permissive parenting.

I have two girls, in case you are just reading me for the first time, they are good girls very different and pretty incredible in my opinion.  I am their mother after all.  I will lift them up to be strong and know who they are as people, as women, as humans.  I will teach them that “a person is a person no matter how small” ideal, in every aspect.  You judge people by the way they treat other people.  Simple right.  I think so.  It’s important to not make others who are different than you feel like they are less than because of it.  So I am what others would call a generally open person.

I believe that kids need to be taught about and be held accountable for their actions, good and bad.  I believe that children don’t have the capability to make every choice they are given to make.  They simply don’t have the tools yet.  They don’t have impulse control yet.   They will choose the thing that they want right now, that feels good and their friends are doing first without thinking about the consequences that will inevitably come tomorrow.  It’s part of being a kid, that’s why they have parents.

I am who I am.

 

Can’t stop this feeling…

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This song actually causes me joy.  Dancing with the broom kinda joy.

Which is more than I can say for how I feel most of the time these days.  I feel like I’m walking around with a dark, thunderous cloud over my head.  I want to revert to my happy go lucky, everything will be OK self but I can’t.  Not anymore.

I have not posted since Dec 2016.  I have written so many articles but couldn’t hit that publish button.  I am overwhelmed by negativity.  The 2016 election really made me question everything.  So I’m putting the proverbial pen to paper again.  Today.

Today is the day life as we knew it changed forever.  The words nine-eleven immediately ignites a grimace.  Today I weep for and honor each and every person who died in the Twin Towers and because of the Twin Towers.  I honor every first responder who threw themselves into hell.  For every person who serves and fights for the freedom we enjoy and is being censored and condemned.

Stop telling me it’s going to be OK.

What exactly will be OK?   The political environment we sit in.  The fact that I feel like I’m holding up my arms, looking around and wondering if anyone else is seeing what I’m seeing.  The fact that I feel like everyone has forgotten that we put a misogynistic pig in the White House.  The fact that he has opened doors to other racist, fascist, homophobic pigs to air out their ugliness on humanity.  To continue their belligerent assault on women, minorities, other countries, the poor, the elderly and basically anyone who isn’t white and rich and disagrees with the president.  Yes, lowercase.  The fact that a judge had the gall to let Brock Turner, a violent rapist male, off with a slap on the hands because why ruin his whole life it was a stupid mistake of youth.  Tell that to his victim or Harvey Weinstein’s first victim.  Let see what they have to say about mistakes of youth not getting their proper dues.

I have to look at my little girls and tell them they cannot trust people.  That they are not safe in this world.  That We The People chose a human being as the leader of the free world, even after he was caught saying he groped women, even when they didn’t want him to because he just couldn’t help himself.  We made that ok.  Not a day goes by where his heinous crimes of terror against us are not thrown in our faces.  And here I stand wondering if anyone else can see what I am seeing,

Incredulous.

I am grabbing my broom and turning the music up.

I am who I am.

 

Forgotten Already

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Have we forgotten already?  In 19 days the electoral college will cast their votes and there is no revolution happening.  I am shocked that amidst reports of the appointments and deals that DT is putting into place, there is a sense of doom and gloom permeating the air.  

I am still sitting in a place of ‘this can’t really be happening’.  Where are the loud voices to help make change…so far over  62 million people voted Hilary…WHERE ARE YOU????

Help Wanted. Electoral Voters to Make a Decision on Dec.19

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HELP WANTED:  At least 38 Electoral Voters needed to vote against their states popular vote.  If you believe that our Country is at risk of catapulting itself backwards 60+ years due to extreme ign…

Source: Help Wanted. Electoral Voters to Make a Decision on Dec.19

Help Wanted. Electoral Voters to Make a Decision on Dec.19

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HELP WANTED:  At least 38 Electoral Voters needed to vote against their states popular vote.  If you believe that our Country is at risk of catapulting itself backwards 60+ years due to extreme ignorance, bigotry, racism, sexism, narcissistic persoanlity disorder, sexually predatory behavior and more…Please vote for Hillary on Dec 19.

Or something like this.  Are ads being put up?  Are parties being help to send letters, sign petitions, peacefully demonstrate, is social media condemning the flip-flopping that is already happening and the proposed cabinet choices.  Are we investigating the Putin claim that they were in touch with the RNC Campaign despite the nominees claims that isn’t the case?  Hmmmm.  Not enough…Are the Electoral Voters looking at the comments and replies and re-posts about how our everyday world is already changing 7 days into this potential presidency.

As if the proposed presidential candidate wasn’t embarrassing enough let’s check out the potential VP.  Have they seen Mike Pence’s record in his own state?  While he has put lots of effort into education it seems to be another platform for his cabinet to have a monopoly of power in the public education sector.  He believes that smoking does not cause cancer.  He has stated that Indiana is a pro-coal state and has worked to repeal renewable energy efforts.  Signed a law blocking local government from offering higher wages and better benefits than that which was required by law.  He is opposed to gay rights and the LGBT communities. Oh and there’s the religious Restoration Act.   Read for yourself.  There is lots more than Wikipedia to inform you.  Educate yourself.

The threat is real and imminent.  The threat is to NATO, Climate Initiatives, the 2nd amendment, our freedom to protest and speak without censorship, our safety as citizens who are women, black, latino, biracial, Gay, trans, have an opinion and morals.  There is so much that we value that is being threatened.

The need is a minimum of 38 Electoral Voters.  These voters need to become faithless electors and go against their party affiliation in their state.  What are you doing to make sure that they know that?  Here is a little bit of info to help…These are states that can make a difference and the electoral voters are not bound in anyway to vote the way the state voted.

Pennsylvania (20 electoral votes) voted 48%DT  47% Hillary

Arizona (11 electoral votes) voted 49% DT   47% Hillary

Im going to keep saying we need a minimum of 38.

Georgia
Iowa
 Kansas
Texas
Missouri
Indiana
Louisiana
Idaho
Arkansas
South Dakota
Kentucky
North Dakota
West Virginia

This Election has made history.  In ways that we weren’t expecting.  Hanging your hat on the idea that 40 voters will open their hearts to see that DT is a change from the norm, which we need, but not in the right direction, is idealistic at best but definitely possible.  When the change that he is planing will set our country back to the early 20th Century, when it will create a sense of disconnect and fear for more than half of the population, when it is giving the voice to the closet racists and misogynists.  So AFFECT CHANGE with action.

If you have the terrible job of being an electoral voter and you can see the rhetoric is scary and you are in a state that is red and know what the right thing to do is do it!  You are anonymous.  No one will target you.  Vote for Hillary and Tim Kaine.  Help our Country stay a world leader.  The alternative that is unfolding now and it is a catastrophic disaster.  Don’t take my word for it read, read, read.  From all sources and all points of views.  I have and the conclusion is sobering and scarier than anything Hollywood can come up with.   You are the system of checks and balances when we make a mistake of this magnitude.  When our very “inalienable rights” are being threatened by someone who represents fear, divisiveness, chaos.  You must set it right…YOU MUST VOTE AGAINST THAT.  PLEASE.

Holding hope.  I Am Who I Am.

Below are some links to articles…Educate yourself in every possible way.

http://www.aol.com/article/news/2016/11/14/sean-hannity-says-cnn-ny-times-and-washington-post-should-lose/21605720/

http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2016/11/12/voters-targeted-electoral-college-members-to-switch-their-trump-ballots-elect-clinton.html

http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2016/01/29/holy-sh-t-the-world-really-hates-donald-trump.html

Save Your Safety Pins, White Friends. You Could Have Voted Safety.

https://www.constituteproject.org/constitution/United_States_of_America_1992

President Who?

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Ok here is how it works people. Educate yourself please. And share, share, share.

If you think your voice does not make a difference then you have already lost.

I am devastated at the thought that Donald Trump is our President Elect. There is nothing I can say that hasn’t already been said. He has given a voice to the closet racists, of whom there are many, to act out and voice those feelings. I am afraid for my daughters & friends which encompass a varied cornucopia of life. Is this the example of a man that I want them to have? No! Thank God for the men that are in our lives.

I am afraid for our freedoms and our capacity to be great. The vote just reduced us to an International laughing stock. Let’s watch on live TV how the very fabric of what we stand for from our forefathers to current time gets ripped apart by this megalomaniac narcissist. You can argue that he can’t do that because he has to go thru a process. But he can, he has the talent to cause chaos on a mass scale. So, yes he has the capacity to do that. Why? He doesn’t give up and never stops to think he might be wrong. He is goal oriented, organized and extremely manipulative. He rules by fear and steps on anyone who opposes him. That’s why. Putin, Stalin, Hitler, Tom Jones, Kim Jong Un, Fidel Castro…so many that have risen so far, only to put their own people down like dogs. I have the shivers just writing this.

We just answered that age old question ‘How could the people have let this happen?’ Just like this. By allowing fear and ignorance to rule as opposed to righteousness and love.

If this is what I have to accept. So be it. I am an American. I will stand for my country. He will be his own undoing. I don’t see how he can make it 4 years without committing an impeachable act. Can he be impeached for acts he committed before gaining the Presidency? I don’t know. I will be researching and studying from today on, because I want to know.

Here is what I do know. There is still hope. Please read this carefully. Do your own research and share, share, share? Make this something everyone knows right now. Today. NOW!!!!

Let me try to explain it. There are 538 Electoral votes up for grabs. A candidate needs 270 to nab the presidency. The final decision will be made on Dec 19 when The Electoral College casts their votes. Generally, Electors will pledge their vote to the candidate that wins their state. They are Pledged Electors. If they vote differently than their pledge they become “faithless electors”. Listen carefully now there are only 21 states.  Some Electors do not pledge their vote and are called Unpledged Electors, they will usually swing the way their state goes. In an election where the margins are so paper thin, they the “faithless” can swing the election the other way. They can but are they willing? That is the nail biter now.

The vote was split in a very close race, where the assumption is the the Electoral Vote is going to stand as it is now at:

228 (232 CNN.com) Hilary Clinton

despite the popular vote:

59,938,290 Hilary Clinton

59,704,886 DT

This can make the difference. Not in the states where the margin is more than 5% points but how about in the states where the margin was so so close. Only problem is Can those Electors have the courage and bravado to become “faithless electors“? The biggest hurdle is that 29 out of the 50 states are either bound to their party by law or impose fines to those who go against their party. There are 21 states where the Elector is not bound by law. I have to go thru the list and I will post it.

There is a precedent where the Electoral College has chosen the Presidency despite the Polpular Vote.

This has happened 4 times our past history.

1824: John Quincy Adams over Andrew Jackson (Meh..was chosen by the House of Representatives because the electors could not reach a majority vote)

1876: Rutherford B. Hayes over Samuel J Tilden

1888: Benjamin Harrison over Grover Cleaveland

2000: George W. Bush over Al Gore

So on Dec 19th, The Electoral College, that we just helped elect, will cast their votes. The majority of the time the Electors will vote by way of the popular vote ( 1824 doesn’t really count but that’s a much longer story).

If Hillary keeps her holds and gains just 38 more votes…there can be a flip of the Presidency to her. Below are the states with the tightest margin.

Florida (29) 47.8% 49.1% Elector bound to party

Michigan (16) 47.3% 47.6% Elector bound to party

Pennsylvania (20) 47.6% 48.8% Electors not bound to state

Wisconsin (10) 46.9% 47.9% Elector bound to party

Arizona (11) 45.3% 49.7% Electors not bound to party

North Carolina (15) 46.7% 50.5% Elector bound to party

What now? Well take it to a ROARING Social Media. There are 60 million people out there that did not want DT in office. They spoke loudly and spoke very clearly…now 60 million, the majority, need to convince those 38 Electoral Voters that our country is on the verge of regressing to a time when women could not vote(Susan B. Anthony is rolling in her grave) and black people were considered animals. A place where a homosexual would stay in the closet and shivel and hide. Where a tran-of-any-permutation was an abomination. This is not what I am teaching my kids, I would like my country to continue to move forward. A place that is not perfect but at least a life matters, no matter how they choose to live it.

I am what I am.

NOW GO GO GO…SHARE EVERY STORY EVERY ACT THAT EXEMPLIFIES WHAT WE DONT WANT. SHARE EVERY ARTICLE AND EVERY ESSAY.

DON’T SAY BAD WORDS. USE LOVE TO PASS ON YOUR MESSAGE. USE PEACE AND DON’T ACT LIKE TOOHLESS CAVE PEOPLE. BE EXAMPLES NOT STATISTICS.

SHARE SHARE SHARE. NOW GOGOGO.

Human

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They were Sons.

They were Daughters.

They were Fathers.

They were Mothers.

They were Godmothers.

They were Godfathers.

They were Uncles.

They were Aunts.

They were Cousins.

They were Husbands.

They were Wives.

They were Friends.

They were Colleagues.

They were Girlfriends .

They were Boyfriends.

They were Acquaintances

They were People that you stood in line with in the supermarket.

They were Creative.

They were at the most basic level Human.

Now they do not exist.

They do not exist in Orlando.

They do not exist in Sandy Hook.

They do not exist in Aurora.

 

All of the others they do not exist.

My heart is heavy for the people left behind, the collateral damage.  We grieve each of those people and we sit with heavy hearts as their deaths are politicized and turned into meaningless arguments for people who care only about their own agendas.

That is not happening here.  We hear you and in a comparatively, infinitesimally small way feel you, you the collateral damage, you who are left behind to pick up the pieces, you who had those who died in your phone books, on your mantles and in your hearts.

I carry you with me when I look at my children.  You are in the back of my throat as I try to find an explanation for these acts, because there is no explanation.  I look at my babies and I hope that as I kiss them goodbye I get to see them again at the end of the day.   When I do, I feel lucky and I hope that by continuing to love them and by continuing to live and trying to make lives better, I in some way am honoring those you lost.  Those we lost.

The most important label each person who died had, the only one that really matters is one…Human.

I Will Not Be Silent Anymore.  I am who I am.

 

Holy Social Media Hell!

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Oh Social Media and the ability to contact anyone at anytime.  It’s grand isn’t it.  You find old friends, check out old boyfriends to see if they are fat and have lost their hair…oh and your allegedly ex-drug trafficking Dad (step) finds you after 25 years of 0 contact.  That was fun!  Here is how that conversation went(without names to protect the innocent) I will translate below the first message as he thought Spanish was the first way to reach out to me:
HIM:
Hola xxxx…espero que t encuentres bien….Tal vez no t recuerdes de mi; pero yo si de ti…Solamente deseo saber que estas bien y que sepas que nunca t he olvidado…. xxxx….
[Hi xxxx…I hope this finds you well…Perhaps you don’t remember me; but I remember you…I only wish to know that you are well and to let you know that I never forgot you…..xxxx]
ME:
Seriously!!!!
ME:
Why now?

HIM:

I know that it sounds weird but the truth is that because of all my mistakes I had to go to federal prison for almost 20 years…the last time I saw you in Cancun…5 months later I went to Miami as I usually did to buy stuff for the hotel I had in Cancun and the restaurant and I was followed by the FBI and had to flight to Colombia, I didn’t see my daughter and son and my exwife for months but later on they caught me in Dominican Republic and got arrested….the rest is history….

HIM:

Tell me about you…how you’re doing…I see to nice beautiful girls…tell me they are yours…they are beautiful…how’s your mom and XXXX…if I’m not mistaken…your mom has a hair salon in XXXXXXX…I’m really glad that she’s is fine..

HIM:

Are you married?…where are you at?….
ME:
I don’t even know where to begin. Surely you haven’t lost that con-man approach that made you so successful…I’m a little dissapointed that your in was to ask if I remembered you. You raised me, how would I not remember you. I called you Papi, lest you forget. I have a lot of memories, many more than what you wish I had. You left me. Maybe you were too high to remember that too, then you came back and you left again, then I found you thru your aunt and yes went to see you in Cancun and you had a new family. Did you abandon them too? I don’t really want to know. In my last communication with you, you said the only reason I wanted you in my life was to ask you for money…remember. I spent that night crying on my friends lap, the next two weeks in bed and then I was done. I released you.
In your wake you left a path of pain and destruction that apparently you think has gone away. You left my family in shambles, the FBI and the DEA didn’t just come after you. For a long time they had my mom under surveillance and brought her in for questioning too. I was a minor and they couldn’t touch me. My Uncle, as you well know was caught in Spain trying to smuggle your shit and when he was finally released and extradited to Colombia he was placed under permanent restriction to leave the country. I don’t speak to him either.
You think that you paid for your mistakes in jail. Ok. Please live your life and do something good. But I think that your type of tiger doesn’t change their stripes.
I have an amazing family of my own. Yes. But you don’t get to share them with me, I don’t want that life to touch this one. It’s to good and pure. I don’t know what your angle is or what you really want…but I don’t want it.
If you are making amends, good for you. I hope you find your peace. I wish you success and a good life…what’s left of it. I have many good memories of growing up with you, unfortunately they are also attached to many bad and horrific memories. I hope that you have those good memories too. I ask that if you have anything left in your heart for me you respect that I don’t want anything to do with you. I don’t want you to be but a ghost in my past for my family when they see you in pictures. Don’t reach out to my moms family either they don’t want to talk to you.
This is not an invitation to open a dialogue with you but a way to close a final chapter in a book. Never to be opened again. I wish you the best. XXXX
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I probably shouldn’t have engaged him at all but I couldn’t help myself.  I won’t lie I was at an outing in a beautiful location when I sat 20150905_150411down by myself with my beer to enjoy the weather and the view and looked at my social media and saw the message and immediately went hot and cold.  I think I sat in disbelief for what seemed like an hour but I returned my glass to the bar and got my car from valet and drove home crying.  In a weird cloud then slept the rest of the day.
Now, I am not feeling so fragile.  I think it was shock really.  He hasn’t factored in my life for so long and I’m so glad.  He was bad news, he was almost as bad as if she had married Pablo Escobar himself without knowing it, my poor Mom.  I told her.  Maybe I shouldn’t have but I don’t want it to slip later.  I’m not a good liar and to her this is massive news.
Now, this piece of work is not my biological father, he was my Step Dad, from age 2 to 11, then he left and came back when I was 12, then left again until I was 17.  Came back tried to buy back my love, showering me with jewelry and a car.  Then disappearing again until I found him in Mexico.  He was my Dad, that’s who I pictured when anyone said father.  The pain of feeling abandoned, the lack of trust,  the anger issues I had as a teenager, being a commitment-phobe until I met my husband at 30.  All stems back to this guy.

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