Human

They were Sons.

They were Daughters.

They were Fathers.

They were Mothers.

They were Godmothers.

They were Godfathers.

They were Uncles.

They were Aunts.

They were Cousins.

They were Husbands.

They were Wives.

They were Friends.

They were Colleagues.

They were Girlfriends .

They were Boyfriends.

They were Acquaintances

They were People that you stood in line with in the supermarket.

They were Creative.

They were at the most basic level Human.

Now they do not exist.

They do not exist in Orlando.

They do not exist in Sandy Hook.

They do not exist in Aurora.

 

All of the others they do not exist.

My heart is heavy for the people left behind, the collateral damage.  We grieve each of those people and we sit with heavy hearts as their deaths are politicized and turned into meaningless arguments for people who care only about their own agendas.

That is not happening here.  We hear you and in a comparatively, infinitesimally small way feel you, you the collateral damage, you who are left behind to pick up the pieces, you who had those who died in your phone books, on your mantles and in your hearts.

I carry you with me when I look at my children.  You are in the back of my throat as I try to find an explanation for these acts, because there is no explanation.  I look at my babies and I hope that as I kiss them goodbye I get to see them again at the end of the day.   When I do, I feel lucky and I hope that by continuing to love them and by continuing to live and trying to make lives better, I in some way am honoring those you lost.  Those we lost.

The most important label each person who died had, the only one that really matters is one…Human.

I Will Not Be Silent Anymore.  I am who I am.

 

Second Post Ever “Everything to Everyone”

I often say that if you want to get something done you have to ask a busy person, but I wonder if that is really and truly true. Does it fall under the heading you can’t be everything to everyone? Probably. But that has never stopped me.

We, the brethren of the why do when you can overdo order, know what I’m talking about. Why go out and buy ready made Valentine’s Day cards when you can make them and decorate them yourself from scratch…oooh it wil be a fun project with your kid. How about this one, why get a cake from the store when you can stay up until 2am making your own cupcakes with homemade candy fairy wings on them, they’ll be so much more special. Or, don’t worry I’ll pick up the dogs’ pills after I drop the kids off at school before I go to work on my way to Target to get toilet paper and mouthwash and don’t worry about dinner I’m making homemade pot stickers. I can’t be alone, male and female we all do it, maybe its a disease like OCD or bulimia.

I fall into my predicament with good reason, at least that is what my conscious brain keeps blathering to me. I’m not a people pleaser, I don’t act because I get high of off someone elses happiness or because I can’t stand to upset them. I don’t take praise particularly well and I listen carefully to critical advice. I have become the everything to everyone person out of necessity. I do because I have to. If I don’t do it no one else will.

I’m not complaining. No one is holding a gun to my head and making me take on another project. I figured it out though, I need to be needed, everyone does. Some of us just have an unrealistic way of trying to make that happen. Like me, I make myself needed by doing so much people naturally assume I’ll take care of it or them and then I have to because it is expected and they won’t do it. Of course I’m writing this as my fantastic husband is tackling a build up of laundry and feeding the dog. I just wish the help would happen a little more often, but as I said before, I did it to myself. Again, Im not complaining.

If I’m being honest I’m falling short. I’m exhausted. So does it take a bigger person than me to say I can’t do that? The simple answer is I don’t know, but I’m starting to feel like a cliche. I’m spreading myself to thin, got too many balls in the air, my plate is full, my cup is running over……At this point I don’t think I can come up with another real reason as to why I haven’t finished something on time or forgotten to pay a bill. So suffice it to say that I think I am in good company, many women I know feel like they aren’t doing enough well enough. Guess what? You’re right.

So what is the trick to not becoming me. Say no and set flexible realistic time lines for what you are taking on. Get a calendar and write everything down, so you don’t miss deadlines and get a grip for what you are doing on a daily basis.

I began revising my calendar and giving myself real time lines. I’m no good with walking away from commitments I’ve already made, so, am I making significant enough changes so that I don’t feel like I’m being pulled in a million directions. I have to. I can say with some certainty that I am on the road to recovery.

The answer to my question is no you can’t be everything to everyone. At the end of the day, the only thing I’m 100% sure about is that even when I’m tired, cranky, running late, drinking too much coffee, staying up way too late to finish things I needed yesterday and making no apologies, I am who I am.

Holy Cow!!! What am I thinking doing this now?

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.

Eleanor Roosevelt

Two years ago I started a blog on another site and dreamily thought that I’d keep it up and I would have thousands of fans that would love my writing and I’d eventually end up with a book series based on my life.

Well??  No that didn’t happen.  I will post those articles here you guys can catch up.  I have a new goal before I can move into that stage of my life where I’m freely writing and sharing myself with you.  I am screaming when I say this, I NEED TO BE DEBT FREE, there I said it.  My family and I need to free ourselves of this lead weight we have attached to our lives.

Currently, I am a hot mess, and the worst part is its starting to show.  I’m cracking at the seams.  So how in the world am I going to accomplish this feat.  Slowly and pointedly.   I have to set goals, I will post those as soon as I have them figured out what the first and most important should be.

Here is a little about me.  I am a married,  mother of two gorgeous and very active girls.  I have several jobs, yah several!  I have a great husband and a ridiculously supportive family.  I am what has been coined as a Super Mom.

One who is no feeling so super right now!

Coming up with a plan 101!

Today I was going to put my plan of attack into action.  But last night I decided I was going to make pumpkin puree and roast some seeds and apparently I let too much pumpkin down the disposal and we had a flood.  I had no idea.  Apparently its common knowledge but I usually throw organics out in the compost and food scraps go in the trash can, so I’m not all knowing on the business of disposal rules.  No melted candy coating, no large amounts of rice and no potato skins,  That’s it.  Let’s talk about feeling like a dope!

My husband was and still is livid because the sink back flowed out to the washer drain and flooded the garage so right now I have no sink and no washer.  So here is my plan for today…dry the garage and come up with a list of things that don’t go in the garbage disposal!  In case you were wondering here is an easy way to remember:

1. Greasy stuff (meat, hot oils)

2. Hard Stuff (bones, egg shells, pits)

3. Fibrous stuff (ie pumpkins, carrots, artichokes)

4. Expandable stuff (ie rice, pasta)
I did some research on the subject and found this website helpful.  So for more info click below.