The Moments That Matter

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On Monday my 10 year old daughter changed my life.

As usual we started our day with an argument of some sort, there was a meltdown of misery yet again with my 7 year old. Everyday was wearing down on me, squelching my spirit.  These senseless arguments.  Between the three of us.  I’m an only child I don’t get sibling rivalry or the talking back or the not listening.  I don’t know that I will ever get it.

Today I feel lighter.

My little girl asked “how many hours are in a year?”.

Without thinking, annoyed, I told her to get a piece of paper and do the math.  So she multiplied 365 days a year by 24 hours…before she was done it hit me like a ton of mathematical bricks…

665,760 hours in my life if I live till I’m 76 (speculation based on life expectancy)

221,920 hours Ill spend sleeping if I get 8 hours a night (RIGHT!  Maybe if it adds up in the end)

443,840 hours is what I have been allotted to love, play, live, work, build, breakdown, complain, worry about being debt     free..everything that makes up a life

239,600 hours is what I have already used up in my life (no regrets)

204,240 hours is what I have left in life if I live to see 76.

8510 days.  To love.  To play.  To build.  To live!

All of this happened within seconds…a moment that took my breath away.  I looked at my child and suddenly all of those awful moments, with awful thoughts and awful words that had just passed melted away and became so incredibly unimportant.  I had it all wrong before. The only thing that matters was making all of the coming moments, minutes, hours, days, months, years count as much as possible.

We are finite.  Each moment is what makes us.  I want my kids to know that in order to really live you have to live each moment, you have to be fully present in each moment.  I want my husband to know that when he holds me I am all there..not thinking about dishes or an email I didn’t send or an appointment I forgot to confirm.  At that moment ask yourself “What in this moment is lacking?” ~Rinzai   When that man has his arms around me the answer is nothing is lacking…in that moment I have everything.  When I’m sitting on the floor with my girls and every colored pencil ever made is everywhere and the kids are happy because we are coloring and being silly…nothing is lacking, that moment is perfect!

That is not to say that I’m not planning and I’m not worried about my debt and I’m throwing caution to the wind.  No.  It just means that I’m going to live in the moments for what they are happy, good, bad, sad…whatever they are.  I don’t wan’t to have an answer for that question in my moments.  If I do, then I’m not in that moment not really.

I told my 10 year old a long time ago that the day she was born she started teaching me so many things that I didn’t know I didn’t know..today I thanked her without question for changing my life and in turn changing all of our lives for the better. She may not remember that someday or maybe she will but she knows that moment was significant…and perfect.  Not lacking.

The moments that matter make me me.  I am who I am.

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